6 tips for communicating feedback

Positive feedback strengthens current behavior and is usually pleasant to hear, making it easier to communicate. However, constructive feedback focuses on changing future behavior, which can sometimes trigger resistance. The recipient might take it personally, feel attacked, or simply disagree with the feedback, making them less willing to accept it.

Constructive feedback from mystery shopping research can help your organization grow, but only if the message is well received by both you and your employees.

So, how do you communicate constructive feedback effectively so that the recipient is motivated to act on it? In her book Don’t Push Me, Genieke Hertoghs explores how to give and receive feedback. This article shares six valuable tips inspired by this book and other sources:

1. Tip 1: Start the conversation with an open question
2. Tip 2: Use follow-up questions to get to the core of the issue
3. Tip 3: Offer enough support to create a safe environment
4. Tip 4: Clearly state the key (negative) feedback points
5. Tip 5: Provide targeted advice for improvement
6. Tip 6: End on a positive note and ask a question

Below, we’ll explain these tips further. But first, let’s delve into the challenges of receiving feedback and how our brain reacts to it.

Why is receiving feedback so difficult?

How often do you find yourself talking more than listening? Daily, we push information and are pushed by others. This act of pushing (sharing information) releases dopamine in our brains when we are the ones talking. No wonder we love being the sender.

When you give constructive feedback, you’re essentially telling someone their behavior could be better. You often frame it with reasoning or advice based on your perspective, assuming the recipient will analyze your message rationally.

But as Genieke Hertoghs explains, 95-98% of our brain activity is unconscious. Explaining and reasoning can typically have the opposite effect, triggering the recipient’s defense mechanism—the brain's system that protects their ego and self-image by rejecting perceived threats.

This mechanism makes constructive feedback tricky. You’re asking someone to change or adapt while offering no dopamine reward and potentially threatening their ego. This is particularly challenging in feedback sessions, where behavior change is the goal. Remember, people want to change, but not if it feels forced upon them.

Feedback from mystery shopping research

Mystery shopping provides insights into how customers experience your store or restaurant. A mystery shopper behaves like a regular customer, evaluating their journey based on a questionnaire. Because employees don’t know who the mystery guest is, this research offers valuable, unbiased feedback about your organization.

Traditionally, feedback from mystery shopping has been seen as pointing fingers at employees. At Secret View, we approach it differently. The findings of our research aim to coach and help teams learn from real customer experiences.

To fully utilize these results, feedback must be embraced within the organization. This is the foundation for improving the customer experience.

Effectively delivering your message is crucial for driving behavioral change and fostering growth. With these six tips, based on insights from Don’t Push Me, you’ll be well-equipped.  

Tip 1: Start with an open question to encourage reflection and dialogue

Start your feedback conversation with an open question, such as how the other person has experienced the past months or whether they’ve faced any challenges. This approach increases the likelihood that the feedback you wish to share comes up naturally. It also helps you better understand each other.

Let the other person talk. This triggers dopamine in their brain, making them more receptive to your feedback.

Always start with open questions that avoid assumptions or judgments. Use question words like who, what, where, how, when, or why.

Tip 2: Use effective follow-up questions to uncover the core issue

This step is critical. After posing your initial question, follow up effectively.

For instance, if an employee shares that personal circumstances are affecting their mood, resist the urge to conclude, “That explains why…” and immediately launch into your feedback. Instead, ask a follow-up question like, “How do you notice this affecting your work?” to better understand the root of the issue.

Tip 3: Provide enough support to make the other person feel safe

Offering support is crucial for breaking through the recipient’s defense mechanism. Show understanding by nodding, using affirmations like “yes” or “clear,” or saying things like “Good that you mentioned this.”

Hold off on sharing your judgment and focus on understanding the other person’s perspective. When they feel supported, they’ll be more receptive to your feedback.

Tip 4: Keep your feedback concise and focus on key points

Once you’ve reached the core of the issue and provided enough support, it’s time to share your feedback (if it hasn’t already come up). Always start with a positive point. According to the “hamburger” feedback method, constructive criticism lands better when sandwiched between positive comments.

Keep it brief. Too much detail forces the recipient to identify key points themselves, increasing the risk that crucial information gets lost.

Also, consider your position in the perception pyramid, as described in Hertoghs’ book. Feedback is more likely to be accepted if you’re seen as an authority on the subject or someone close to the recipient. If not, following step 3 carefully will help you climb the pyramid, making your feedback more impactful.

Tip 5: Offer actionable advice for improvement

For every feedback point, provide practical advice on how the recipient can improve. Offer specific suggestions to eliminate ambiguity or let them propose their own solutions. As noted earlier, people prefer self-initiated change over imposed change.

At Secret View, we emphasize constructive feedback from mystery shoppers, even when experiences are less positive, so employees can learn and grow.

Tip 6: End on a positive note and ask a question

As the “hamburger” method suggests, end your conversation with a positive remark. Prepare a few compliments in advance so it doesn’t seem like you’re grasping for positive things to say.

Finally, thank the person for the conversation and ensure both parties leave with a positive feeling.

Want to know more about feedback?

Curious about more tips? Read our article on handling feedback from mystery shopping research or explore how feedback has contributed to America Today’s growth.

Ready for honest, high-quality feedback?

Our mystery shoppers provide daily feedback to over 100 retailers and hospitality organizations based on real experiences. Interested in learning more? Get in touch, and we’ll happily share our vision for mystery shopping research.

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